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Boundaries and Your Relationship

10/15/18

Everyday Show Interview, August 2018

What are boundaries, and why are they essential to the success of any relationship? Matchmaker Hope is back on Colorado's "Everyday" Show with some key insights.

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What exactly are boundaries?

Simply put, boundaries are what set the space between where you end and the other person begins. Setting boundaries is an important part of any relationship, but is especially important with a romantic partner. My clients at It’s Just Lunch will ask me, “if my partner is ‘right’ for me, should we need boundaries?”. The answer is an unequivocal YES. You may be in love, but that does not make you the same exact person as your partner. You both have needs, and they will not always align perfectly. Boundaries simply establish guidelines within the relationship so your partner understands your needs and expectations, and vice versa.

What are some examples of boundaries within a relationship?

In order to establish boundaries, you need to be clear with your partner about who you are, what you want, your beliefs and values, and just as importantly, your limits. Some people may need solo time, so a fair boundary would be “I would like to spend some time alone on Sunday afternoons”. Others may value their privacy, and say “It is not okay with me if you look through my phone without my knowledge”.

There are so many different kinds of boundaries, including privacy, personal space, material, your basic day-to-day boundaries, and if you’re a parent, there are often boundaries when it comes to your kids. The important thing to remember is that you should avoid using words like “always” or “never”. You’re in a relationship with another human being, so boundaries need to be able to bend a bit as needed.

Day-to-Day Boundaries:

We all have our “things”. It’s what makes us interesting! Sometimes it’s the small stuff that INFURIATES us, like our partner leaving the toilet seat up or leaving their dirty dishes in the sink. Setting a day-to-day boundary could include saying “I need 30 minutes every morning to drink coffee before interacting”, or “I’d really like us both to tidy up every night before we go to bed, I sleep much better that way”. Making sure your partner understands these small needs will make your day-to-day interactions go a lot more smoothly!

If could use a few more boundaries in your relationship, what are the next steps?

The first step is to acknowledge your needs and limits. People who do not set boundaries often act like martyrs. “I had to clean up after him or her, AGAIN”. Instead, start communicating with your partner as to why something isn’t working for you.

The second step is to acknowledge your partner’s needs and limits. This is a two-way street. Trust me, they have a few requests of you too!

The third step is simply to discuss fully until you both have a solid grasp of each other’s expectations and can acknowledge and accept your partner’s boundaries.

Understand that these boundaries are not set in stone, and that they can bend as needed. Because life happens! That being said, you need to make sure that bending that boundary is the exception and not the rule.

Can Everyday Show Producer Colleen find love through a Matchmaker?

10/15/18

Everyday Show Series, July 2018

In this three-part series, the hosts of Denver's Everyday Show enlist the help of Matchmaker Hope Rike of It's Just Lunch as well as IJL's in-house stylist Brandan Rader to help their favorite producer Colleen find her ideal match.

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On the Road for Work and Finding Love

12/28/17

MICHAEL T. LUONGO

In 2010, Heleen Devos, a native of Belgium who works in corporate social responsibility and communications for a French energy company, was heading to Cuba for a United Nations climate change conference.

“I had seen him and found him handsome,” Ms. Devos said dreamily of a Chilean in her row. Yet she was unsure of his relationship with the older woman next to him.

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Easy and Fun Ways to Meet Guys This Fall (Even Though 'Cuffing Season' Isn't a Thing)

09/17/17

Now is the perfect time to meet men.

By Taylor Davies

Earlier this summer, the New York Times published a story about a Harvard Business School study which suggested people who spend money to save time (rather than spending time to save money) are generally happier. Those who outsource tasks they dislike, like cleaning, accounting, or ordering in dinner rather than cooking, reported “greater overall life satisfaction.”

So if dating and dating apps make you feel stressed, frustrated and exhausted—why not try outsourcing the work to an expert? ….It’s Just Lunch will do all the legwork for you, setting you up with dates that are carefully selected for potential compatibility.

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Can Dating Make You Healthier? 46% of Daters Think Being in Love is Good For Their Waistlines

07/19/17

By Hayley Matthews

Oftentimes, staying healthy and looking attractive are one in the same. The desire to attract a partner can be a strong motivating factor to watch what you eat or go to the gym every week. Maybe an active dating life is the best medicine. Studies seem to support the idea that many daters feel motivated to stay fit when in a relationship or looking to get in a relationship.

It’s Just Lunch, a matchmaking firm for busy professionals, gave us a look at their own internal insights on the subject. The team’s “Dating, Dining, and Push-Ups” survey investigated the link between healthy habits and dating, and the results are striking.

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